Types of Equity Analysts – Encounters of the Worst Kind

The Management Pet:  Always starts with “Great quarter guys!” and is always first to ask. . The analyst wants to show everybody that he is the most experienced analyst with a Strong BUY recommendation and that’s why his question was taken first.  So, my question is “How were you able to deliver such a strong quarter”.

Micro Guidance seeker:  Is focussed on getting precise guidance.  Questions are like – Will you be closer to the upper end or lower end of your guidance of 6.6-6.9% growth? You have said growth will be in teens – will it be high teens or low teens? I know you do not give guidance but can you help us if you will beat industry growth or lag?  Also, what will be the industry growth?

Monthly forecaster:  How has been your growth this month / this fortnight. How is the current quarter looking? Has the quarter-to-date growth higher than last quarter?  (Such analyst own forecasts are never close but will never leave the pursuit of monthly forecasting)  

Late entrant: Sorry I logged in late, can you repeat everything you said.  (Basically, such analyst doesn’t own a watch and are begging the mgmt. to gift them one)

Endless questions inquirer:  Sir I have basically 2 questions – one on the balance sheet and another on the income statement.  On the Balance sheet, my question has 3 parts…. On the Income statement, my question has 4 parts and the 4th part has 3 sub-parts.

(Operator- participants please limit the question to 2, so that everybody can get a chance)

 Class participation:  Most/all of my questions have been answered.  These are analysts who need to record their attendance to the fund managers.

(Operators – please press 02 to remove yourself from the question queue is never understood)

The attention-to-detail Analyst:  Can you help me understand the nature of “other revenues”. They are now 0.3% of all revenues as against 0.15% last quarter.   Also, why is your tax rate up by 30 bps?   (Announcing to the world my excel models are very detailed)

The stock pitcher Analyst:  I have a 3-part question are on the new business/acquisition (like Dunkin Donuts). Do you think your new business can be the biggest growth driver for your business? Second, would you say that the new business margins will be overall margins accretive? Third, do you think stock markets are not giving you full credit by not doing a sum of parts valuation?  ( Please help me – as I am the only one doing SOTP valuation)

The Meeting seeker:  Can you explain to me the accounting difference leading to the variable tax rate, depreciation, and amortization vis-à-vis peers? Can I take these answers offline in case you don’t have them handy?

The color seeking analyst:  Can you give some color on the nature of growth expected for the year?  Mgmt. – the color is baby tomato pink.

Attention seeker:  That was my associate dialing in.  This is senior writing analyst XXX here.  My question for you is ….?  (To announce the world, I have an intern/associate)  

The Student Analyst:  Can you please explain how do you calculate same-store sales growth (SSSG)? Also, can you explain what is your unit economics?  Mgmt. – Please read past 10 years’ transcripts.

PS: Even I have been guily of the worse behavior on a occasion or two.